It takes more than just love or attraction for a happy marriage and enduring love relationships. Only being in love may not guarantee that a relationship will work, but it also requires compatibility and relationship skills on the part of both partners.
It may not be so easy as the relationships brings us to the deepest parts of ourselves and can rip us down to reveal our deepest of insecurities and weaknesses. Therefore, being in love and being sure that it is love, is intensely crucial first step of any healthy long-term commitment.
A healthy love can only dwell when both the partners are emotionally interdependent; meaning that both care for one another, desire physical closeness, but most importantly respect each other enough to have their own identities as well. It takes effort and sheer dedication for them both.
Your opinions, goals and interests can change as you grow. but if you share the common core belief systems, you get a healthy platform to build a strong enduring relationship.
Following are some few key ingredients of a Healthy Relationship!
Having healthy Boundaries.
We humans are complex creatures. We all are multifaceted, hence it is unlikely that your partner will match all your needs and interests. It is absolutely normal and OK to pursue different activities, either individually, or socially, apart from your partner. Giving each other the desired personal space and freedom only signifies the trust you have in your relationship. You don't have to share passwords of your social media accounts or phone to prove your trust. Creating healthy boundaries is an expression of what makes you feel comfortable and not what makes you feel trapped or like you're "walking on eggshells".
Healthy communication!
Like I always tell to my clients, "Communication is the key".
Healthy communication is a fundamental part of strong relationships. Be honest. If something is bothering you, it's best to talk about it instead of holding it in. Disagreements are natural part of healthy relationships. It is important that you find a flexible and respectable method of communicating your disagreements to your partner. Avoid using critical remarks, judgemental sentences, and listen before you act yourself out. Value the wishes and feelings of each other. Understanding and celebrating our differences will make living together more peaceful, interesting, and fun.
Be Supportive.
Offer reassurances and encouragement to your partner when needed. It is about building each other up, not putting each other down. Also, it is very important to know what you both want out of life and working towards those goals is what will strengthen the bond in your marriage.
Be responsive to your partners likes and needs.
Long lasting relationship is about two individuals making a commitment to each other and choosing to respond in ways that sustain their feelings for each other. It can get stale and you may feel disconnected from your partner if you take it for granted. Every now and then it requires a healthy boost. It may not always be an exotic vacation or outings, but finding fun in simple activities like going for a walk, movie or a coffee time together, or just taking a day off from your busy life for being with each other.
What is NOT a Healthy Relationship?
It is not about power and control. Possessiveness, jealousy accusations, are exertions of control. There is no excuse for abusive behaviour. Reconsider your relationship if you think it is unhealthy, it is draining you, if you are feeling very stressed due to it. Seek emotional support, talk to friends and family members.
Most importantly, seek professional help at relationship counsellors, or psychiatrists, etc. Understand that is it normal for a relationship to end and breaking up is also an option. Remember, you can't force your partner to change if they don't believe they're wrong. You deserve to feel respected in your relationship. Even though you cannot change your partner, you can certainly make changes in your own life.
There are no guarantees in life. No other person can make you happy. It's something you have to do it yourself. You're responsible for your own happiness. My best advice for a relationship is - find a way to become and stay best friends! If you'd like to feel understood, try being more understanding. If you want to feel more love, try giving more love. Its simple.
Dr. Pankaj Borade (M.D.Psychiatry) is a certified psychiatrist in Pune. He is a consultant at Mind Matters clinic and Ruby Hall Clinic Hospital in Pune City. More articles or information can be found at our website or on our Facebook page. Contact at pankajborade@onlymindmatters.com